Tuesday, October 2, 2012

I was a "Big Girl" Now!

It was when I became a "tween", particularity at the age of 12, I started to actually pay more attention to my figure.  I was an early bloomer and already in the Juniors department at 10 years old, but one day I looked in the mirror and I saw something different...curves. 

I was not happy about these newly acquired body features at all, and I actually felt awkward that I now had hips and shapely thighs, not to mention, on top of that men where noticing.  A lot.  I no longer felt comfortable about entering a room or anywhere men were around in my "play" shorts, not out of fear but because I had associated wearing short, tight, or revealing clothes with girls who wanted attention, and I just wanted to be a kid.
My resolution to what I thought was a problem at the time was to disguise my curves, and at 12 years old that meant hide them.  I wore bulky, baggy, clothes that did nothing for me but make my body actually look bigger than what it really was soon after came the fat girl jokes.  Its actually funny when I think about it now because the guys who had the jokes in Jr High, were same guys who turned out my admires in High School.
 But Oh...when I became 14 I completely began to embrace those curves and started to wear more fitted clothes because I had boys on the mind.  Being a teenager was at tough time for me because I was trying to find my own personal identity and trying to find who I really was.  Deep down I secretly battled depression and low self-esteem.  I felt fat and unwanted some days and on others I felt beautiful and desired.

Me at age 14 in 2001
  THANK GOD those teenage days are over! Although I sometimes wish i could be 16 again (or at least have that body back!) I am glad that I can finally say today that I EMBRACE MY BODY AND LOVE MYSELF. 
Me at 25..Thinking.
  I hope and pray that women of all walks of life, regardless of what society and the media says about you, take pride in who you are and Embrace Your inner Fierce!